When I began my emotional growth spurt, one of the first things I stumbled on was whether I was worthy. Daily, maybe hourly, I experienced toxic shame that stemmed from a belief that I wasn’t worthy of anything. I wasn’t worthy of love or someone’s attention. I wasn’t worthy of a good job or nice things. I wasn’t even worthy of the air I breathed. It was extreme and it was really painful.
Then someone said to me, “you’re worthy because you breathe.” That was an interesting and jolting statement. Could it be true?
Now, after much pondering and praying, I believe it is true. Allah creates us and then after our creation, He continues to sustain us, because He sustains all of creation in every moment. Nothing is difficult for Allah and He created creation this way in His wisdom. So, if one is not worthy of existence, it’s a simple matter of no longer sustaining that individual’s existence and poof, they’re gone.
Because I continue to exist, because “I breathe”, I know I must still be worthy of existence. And the best part is Allah’s built in judgment of it by His continued choice to sustain my existence. I no longer need to judge my own existence! Talk about merciful. It is merciful for me to let that whole set of never ending debates and arguments go completely.
“I no longer need to judge my own worthiness in any given moment.”
Following the acceptance of this spiritual belief everything, including affirmations, fall into place like dominoes. I must be worthy of my existence because Allah continues to sustain me. I must be worthy of the air I breathe because Allah continues to sustain me as a human requiring oxygen to breathe. I must be worthy of nice things because He’s given me the opportunity to obtain it. And so on. The hardest part is allowing the logic to follow and not fighting it each step of the way. But that’s the amazing gift and power of trusting Allah. And then gratitude naturally follows. And with gratitude, Allah often shows more and more of His amazing generosity.
““O humanity! It is you who stand in need of Allah, but Allah [alone] is the Self-Sufficient, Praiseworthy. If He willed, He could eliminate you and produce a new creation. And that is not difficult for Allah [at all].” ”
Now you know what shaitan is going to start whispering. ‘Well by that logic, when you don’t get something, Allah is saying you’re not worthy of it.’ And that is NOT what is being stated. Shaitan and darkness tries to stretch logic and reasoning beyond the scope of its application. This statement is not meant to be stretched and inferred away from its original context. I simply was struggling with toxic shame and believing I was worthy of existence. Allah gave me wisdom through someone else, and the side benefit was that it answered many questions of worth, not simply my worthiness of existence, but worthiness to receive love, or breathe the air I breathed. To extend it beyond that is not a reflection of God’s Haqq. There’s more to whether we receive something or not due to our worthiness, such as mercy - is it in the Mercy for us to receive something in the moment we are asking for it? And that’s a discussion for another time. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.
Question: What, if anything, have you found helpful in your struggles with self-worth, or self-esteem? Do you have any tools or experience to share? Please share in the comments below, you never know who Allah will help with your experience, strength and hope. Peace.
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